Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
I like you, you croc my world.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
It was hard to grasp.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I knew a detective who always wore a cat costume.
One day I asked him why.
He told me "I am always in purrsuit."
Which athlete wrote the book, Jumping for Exercize?
Lee Ping.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
I just got fired from my theatre job. I guess I should've made a bigger scene about it.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry
Me: It’s a sacrifice to the dryer gods.
My dad: It’s a sockrifice.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
"Having a good hare day."
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
"No wine left behind."
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!
When the well-read bird decided to open a restaurant, he named it Red Robin.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
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