Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
I’m positive I just lost an electron.
Better keep an ion that.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
The best way to get back at someone is to push them in the snow; after all, revenge is a dish best served cold.
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
What did the snowplow guy say when his equipment broke down?
Take this job and shovel it!
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What is the angriest place on Earth?
Ire-land
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...
So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
I really wish my five-year-old son would make up his mind! First, he said he wanted a treehouse in the backyard, but now, he says he doesn't need it…
Took me twenty years to grow that thing!
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
Ever had real cane sugar?
It cannot be beet.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
I had four cans of alphabet soup.
Just had the largest vowel movement ever.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
Where did the Terminator find extra olive oil??
Aisle B, back.
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard and taking poops on my flower bed.
His dog is not as bad.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
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