We've reached the point of snow return.
Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
Icy what you did there.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I had a rainbow for lunch. I'm trying to eat light.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Got my nurse going into surgery today
She put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left.
She said, "Wow! How can you do that?"
I responded: "I'm ambi-textrous."
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
He was going to sleep in a bucket of ice.
But then he got cold feet.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Barnacle go to couples' counselling?
Because their marriage was the rocks.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Some bunny loves you.
What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.
I'm a supervillain from Italy, I have the power to infect people with deadly diseases.
It’s-a-me, Malario.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
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