When does the moon gets his/her stomach full? During full moon.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Goat milk?
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Which athlete wrote the book, Jumping for Exercize?
Lee Ping.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Sleigh queen, sleigh.
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
My blind friend did LSD for the first time...
There was a lot more tripping than usual.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
What do you call someone who rips up books?
A tear-orist.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
What do you call an artist without a palette? Someone who makes paintings without taste.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
Did you hear about the spies trying to infiltrate japan, Italy, and Germany in WWII?
They were denied axis.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
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