The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
Where do crows type? Crows type on cawmputers.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What do you call a group of crows flying over a couple?
A murder over love.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
As he gobbled the cakes on his plate, the greedy ape said as he ate: The greener green grapes are, the keener keen apes are to gobble green grape cakes. They’re great!
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
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