A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. African, Zambian, Ethiopian, Bosnian, Nigerian, Angolan, Botswanian, Tanzanian, Saudi Arabian, Kuwaiti, Iranian, Iraqi, Pakistanian, Mongolian, Indian, Burman, Chinese, Cambodian, Laotian, Somalian, Yemen, Syrian, Israeli, Armenian, Philipino, Javan, Australian, Sri Lankan, Malaysian, Georgian, Taiwanese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Puerto Rican, Dominican Republican, Aruban, Jamacian, Cuban, Haitian, El Salvadorian, Guatamalan, Nicaraguan, Costa Rican, Panamanian, American, Canadian, Mexican, Argentinian, Bolivian, Peruvian, Columbian, Brazilian, Ecuadorian and a Venezuelan walk into a bar.


The bartender looks up and says, "Sorry. I cannot serve you without a Thai."

Did you hear about the painter who works in jail? They say he had a brush with the law.

My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"

She said: "Either ore."

Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.

Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.

I get a real kick out of you.

Why did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut!

If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?

“I hate being half bike, half motorcycle,” he moped.

We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.

What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.

We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?

I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.

There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea

What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.

General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"

What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship

How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!

Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus.

How do you make a dog stop barking in the backyard?
Move him to the front yard.

What do you call a pig that knows martial arts?
Pork Chop

What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.

Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.

What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!

What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse?
Brothel sprouts.

Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.

How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.

What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.

What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.

How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.

It ain’t over till it’s clover.

I have no shelf control.

Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.

What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.

What did the husband say when his wife told him he bought the wrong flowers?
"Oopsie daisy!"

I ate the exam paper
Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.

The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.

“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”

What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.

What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.

What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects? A con artist.

Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.

I had a rainbow for lunch. I'm trying to eat light.

I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.

How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!

Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?

Reading is a novel idea.