Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
Skiing is believing!
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
Where do you think the astronauts keep their sandwiches? In the launch-box.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
Easter is grammatically incorrect.
We should say more east.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
French fries aren’t cooked in France
They’re cooked in greece.
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
Why shouldn't you kiss anyone on January 1st?
Because it's only the first date
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
September and October are considered to be the best months of the year, I say this from the b-autumn of my heart.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
Blue and green stopped fighting because they had agreed on peace teal.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
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