What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
All clover the world.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What are the best sandwiches to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy melts!
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Why was the Whale bank heist so successful?
Because it was a whale orca-strated plan
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
You’re sledding a fine line there.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
My love for you simply radiates.
How did the beaver build the insides of a dam using logs? He logged in.
Why did the college football team stop smoking
They lost all their matches.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
Green glass globes glow greenly.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
Why do math teachers make good dancers?
Because they have algorithm.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe!
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?
A cantelope.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
This pool is impressive. Or should I say swim-pressive?
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