What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
What does a deer call her boyfriend?
Cari-boo.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
You can forget about winning, princess. Because even Cinderella can’t get to this ball.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
I love you berry much.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids, then it behooves you to become a centaur.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
"On cloud wine."
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one"
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
Why did the artist have to go to the bathroom right away? Because when you gotta Van Gogh, you gotta Van Gogh.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man’s wife
Happy Mother’s Day!
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
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