Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Why did Billy make a bunch of snowmen to be his friends?
Because he wanted to hang with the cool kids!
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
A big black bug bit a big black dog on his big black nose!
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
What does a frog in Paris eat?
French Flies.
What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke?
“You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.”
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
They say that she only paints night scenes. Other artists really pale by comparison.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What did the lost witch ask the wizard?
- Witch way to the Halloween party?
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
What do you call a girl who is standing directly in the middle of the court? Annette.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
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