Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
How many prison guards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just beat the room for being black.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
I had my dad proof read an essay of mine back in High School. He said my grammar was a little funny.
Apparently I need to work on my pun-ctuation.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
Did you hear about the negative nelly who hates German sausage?
He always fears the wurst.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren
What type of songs do planets sing?
Nep-Tunes.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Someone just stole some grass from my garden.
Strange I know, thought robbers stuck to their own turf.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
Go to BabaMail
