When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
What do you call an imaginary color?
A pigment of your imagination.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
What do you call a girl who's very good at human chess and checkers?
Ingrid.
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
Those who study the moon for their course or as a habit, are optimists. And that is because they look at the brighter side always.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
Sips getting real.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
How many grammar cops does it take to change a light bulb?
Too.
Only a**holes use bidets.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
Go to BabaMail
