Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
Having been thrown out of cartoon art school, he was in suspended animation.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
Why did the volleyball players like to practice in the library? Their coach said that they’d be doing some reading today.
A company from Israel took over the Greek national cheese factory in Greece
Now it's called the Cheeses of Nazareth.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Summer is here, so I’m moving all of my bad habits outside.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
What's an inmates favorite fishing equipment? Jail bait.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
What does a house wear?
Address.
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
Aloha is a soft laugh.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Did you hear about the battery and the volleyball who got into a fight? The volleyball is waiting to go to church and the battery was charged.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
After a long March, April always puts a little spring in my step.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
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