What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered.
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn.
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Happy St. Cat-rick’s day!
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
The graphic designer's present company gave her a substantial raise while a rival company also gave a similar offer. I am now caught in hue minds!
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Military submarines are a deep navy blue in color.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
Sorry, I'm octopied.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
Paddy like a rockstar.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Grammar has never been my strong suit.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.
I surprised the judges at my last diving competition by performing a cannonball.
I made a huge splash.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
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