How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
He thought he saw a job.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
What does a house wear?
Address.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
I farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
Half of Italy is complaining about the coronavirus and the other half is laughing not taking it seriously.
All they do is cheese and wine.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What does Frosty the Snowman do to combat his worries about melting?
Take a chill pill!
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
When we were young, we had this myth that lightning bolts go all the way to cloud 9.
The color turquoise was judged as the best new color because it was cyantifically proven to be.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound
Which superhero likes spring the best?
Robin.
No-bunny is as hare-larious as you.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
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