What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
How does the Grammar Nazi party fund its government?
Through a syntax.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
FORE!
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
What is a tornado's favorite movie? Gone With the Wind!
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
If you make a mistake of playing basketball with pigs, they will hog the ball.
Winter is un-brr-lieveable!
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
Living costs on the moon would probably be out of this world.
Why did the blonde run backward?
She wanted to gain weight.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?
Gnomads.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
How rude-olf of you.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
Did you hear that there’s a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain?
It’s a site for sore eyes.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
This is the first year I’m not going to Italy because of the coronavirus.
Normally I don’t go because I’m poor.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
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