Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
They say that the cardio system is the work of artery, but it is really just vein.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Don’t worry, Moher pictures are coming.
I find you very a-peeling.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
What travels all over the world, but stays in a corner?
A stamp
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Have you heard the one about the spaceship that came to Earth?
Never mind its over your head.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
What kind of music would planets prefer to hear? NepTUNEs.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
“Remember: don’t eat the yellow snow.”
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
You have goat to be kidding me.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
The glass eyeball manufacturer is having a promotion
An eye for an eye.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes fully groan.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
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