What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
5 years ago today I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me.
All three said No!
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
How do you tell others that your Israeli husband made coffee?
Hebrew.
"It's been an emotional day," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
Why didn’t the skull go to the dentist?
It was too-th late.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
I’ll be there in a pinch.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
It’s a beautiful Degas!
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Witch you were here.
We Rodin a taxi around the city after dark.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Every piece of you is sweet.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
We had an argument on our way back from the tournament. Our position is that their goal was stopping ours.
Don’t ever trust a leper-con!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
Go to BabaMail
