Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Why don’t vampires use the front door?
Because they use the bat flap instead.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Saw what I thought was a large dog coloring Easter eggs.
Turned out to be a dyer wolf.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
Call me on the shellphone.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
That look soots you.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
Let me tell you about my grandfather. He was a good man, a brave man. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
“Look out for Santa Paws!”
My professor accused me of plagiarizing.
His words, not mine.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.
I only have ice for you.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot? Because it's not fast food.
My dad was the top clown at the circus, but unfortunately he passed away.
I guess I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Thirty-three thousand people think that Thursday is their thirtieth birthday.
Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?
He couldn't focus on the negatives.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
Why is the taste of moon rock better than that of Earth rock? Because it’s a little meteor.
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
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