Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
The most notorious one of all pirates was very sad. It may have been because he was Bluebeard!
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
Wife is about to give birth.
Nurse: "I'm gonna deliver the Baby."
Dad: " Actually, we'd like him to keep his Liver"
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
"Read between the wines."
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
I wood never leaf you.
To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock in a pestilential prison with a life-long lock, awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock from a cheap and chippy chopper with a big, black block.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
How was the lepre-con caught?
By an under-clover police officer!
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Have you found the center of gravity yet? It’s the letter v.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
Any noise annoys an oyster but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
They say that volleyball is just mind over matter. Because in our minds, you don’t matter.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
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