Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
Yally Bally had a jolly golliwog. Feeling folly, Yally Bally Bought his jolly golli' a dollie made of holly! The golli', feeling jolly, named the holly dollie, Polly. So Yally Bally's jolly golli's holly dollie Polly's also jolly!
After a good summer fling, it’s time to fall in love.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
I beacha miss summer already!
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
- Looks like you are running a femur.
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentences.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Poor white splash.
The boy leaf confessed to the girl leaf that he was fall-ing in love with her.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
"Dying to have fun."
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Let’s commit the perfect crime together.
I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
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