I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
"I think you should embrace the change, son"
Said my father as he handed me a handful of coins.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
Two tiny tigers take two taxis to town.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season? Fall.
In what state is the Amazon River? It is in the liquid state.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
Time to celery-brate.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
"I make pour decisions."
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
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