What’s the definition of butter?
An angry goat.
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Let’s shell-ebrate good times and tan lines.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
My father ran his whole roofing business and it was a great success.
He had to stay on top of things though.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
I have a pogo stick made out of vegetables. It’s a spring onion.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
How do astronauts cook their meals?
With a Space Heater!
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