What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!
"No body won the skeleton race."
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What do you call a cannibal that works in a university?
Hannibal Lecture.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
I recently took a pole and found out 100% of the occupants were angry with me when their tent collapsed.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
Why did the Easter Egg hide?
Because he was a little chicken.
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
The closer we came to the alley, the louder the bowling thunder.
How did the octopuses win the football match?
Ten tackles
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
I know she means well.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
I met my husband while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...
straightaway I knew he was a keeper.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
A lump of red leather, a red leather lump.
What do you call a Greek love song?
An Aphro-ditty.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
Waddaya get when you cross a cowboy with an Egyptian Pharaoh?
Darn Tutankhamun!
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
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