Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
What's an inmates favorite food? Cellery.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
Where do robots go for fun?
The circuits.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What is a frog’s favorite drink on a hot summer day?
Croak-o-cola.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
What did France, Great Britain, and their allies say after The Great War?
World War Won.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed
Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
After completing the deadline just in the nick of time, the artist breathed a cyan of relief.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
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