What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Why do the propellers of a plane go around and around?
To keep the pilot cool because if they stopped, man would he sweat
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
Snow thank you.
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
Why did the deer go to the spa?
“To doe off some steam!”
Why doesn't Mrs. Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear.
What does a deer call her boyfriend?
Cari-boo.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
How do you leave any building in Spain?
You "follow salida lida lida..."
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
What do you call the Halloween costume contest winner? Mummy of the year.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
What is the result of an art competition? A draw.
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
Best in snow.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
Why did the ghoul become green?
It was sick of eating brains!
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
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