Thank you for making our relationship sweet rather than a rocky road.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What did the Turkey wear on Halloween?
He was a goblin.
All punts are highly intended
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
Shell-abrate the good times!
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
What's an prisoners favorite battery? Duracell Why are inmates so angry all the time? Cause they have bad cell service.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why will you not want to give a bath to the Saturn? It would then leave a ring around the tub.
Denise sees the fleece,
Denise sees the fleas.
At least Denise could sneeze
and feed and freeze the fleas
When I got my first job at the bowling alley, I was only tenpin.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
Don't even chai.
Who's the scariest dancer ever?
The Boogie Man.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
What do you call a party for snowmen? A snowball.
Checking in for a flight, I was asked, "Window or Aisle?"
I said, "Window or you'll do what?
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
They say that she only paints night scenes. Other artists really pale by comparison.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
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