What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse?
Brothel sprouts.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
The nurse in the hospital gave me an entire crate of the wrong medicine AND it was outdated! I almost died!
I got a bad case of poison I.V.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
To get to the other tide.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Living on Earth might be expensive. But we surely get a free trip around the sun every year!
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
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