- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
What do you call a dinosaur that eats it's vegetables? A.brocileasoarus
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
It's lunchtime and the newcomer at my workplace is on a plane to India
Turns out, someone told him that the nearby Delhi has the best sandwiches
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
What should you wear when you play against the National Volleyball Team? Football helmets.
How does one raindrop ask another out? Water you doing tonight?
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....
Almost made me puma pants!
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
"I lava you."
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Half of Italy is complaining about the coronavirus and the other half is laughing not taking it seriously.
All they do is cheese and wine.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
My least favourite hue is purple. It's worse than red and blue combined.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
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