Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Where are werewolf movies made?
Howl-lywood.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
I pitcher us together forever.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Draw me like one of your French ghouls.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
Your love is like vodka. You’re worth the chase.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
I used to live in in Aragon, in Spain.
Then I left.
I'm Aragone.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
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