What is the cutest car?
A BM-cuddle-U
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said "Da, award."
Busy buzzing bumble bees.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
I love you deerly.
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
What does the sun drink out of?
Sunglasses!
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
What did the snowplow guy say when his equipment broke down?
Take this job and shovel it!
I used to be a personal driver in France
But now I have nothing to chauffeur it.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
Don’t moss around.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
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