What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
What was Moses' favorite color?
Red, see?
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
You heard about the Spanish woman that is now a man?
He’s called Senor Rita.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What do Ghosts say when they are impressed? - That was spectre-cular!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
How rare is an excellent father?
Legen-daddy
Writers have great climaxes.
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
I was at an office conference this past autumn. I made a new friend and when I asked for his contact details, he said, "Here is my November!"
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
The ruddy widow really wants ripe watermelon and red roses when winter arrives.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
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