What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
A mixture of black, white, and red usually refers to a panda who has experienced severe sunburn!
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
I whale-y like you.
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Summer is just floating by.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
Let’s list the froze and cons.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
They say that she only paints night scenes. Other artists really pale by comparison.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
"I'm an Easter eggs-pert."
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
Living in france must be hard
I mean, 100 dollars is only a cent.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
If you make a mistake of playing basketball with pigs, they will hog the ball.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
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