Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
Why did the Cold War go on for so long?
Because Russia kept Stalin.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
After watching me read “War and Peace”, my son asked me, “Dad, why is the book so thick?”
Me: Well, it’s a long story.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
Let me plant one on ya!
"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me."
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
I hope for world peas.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
There’s a big difference between yoga and pie-lattes.
Go to BabaMail
