Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
I whale-y like you.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
Today I be-leaf in leprechauns
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...
It’s my retirement hedge fund.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
The police told me they'd throw me in jail the next time they caught me stealing board games.
But that's a Risk I'm willing to take.
It’s snow joke.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
Up to snow good.
What will you do when you will see a spaceman? You will simply park your car, man!
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
Sorry, I'm octopied.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
What do you call someone who lost her Marital arts tournament?
Divorced.
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk.”
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
Better read than dead.
You are aged to perfection.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Got my nurse going into surgery today
She put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left.
She said, "Wow! How can you do that?"
I responded: "I'm ambi-textrous."
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
TV news anchors love the shades of red. They get serious whenever there is Burgundy.
Go to BabaMail
