What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
If you're attacked by a group of clowns...
Go for the juggler.
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too expensive to fly and too long to walk.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
The best holiday for you to go bowling is thanksgiving because you will get turkeys.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What do you call an artist without a palette? Someone who makes paintings without taste.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
This is snow laughing matter!
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
What sound does a bouncy plane make?
Boeing.
If you do bowling and for some reason you can’t hear a pin drop, something could be wrong with your bowling.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Which month can’t make a decision?
MAY-be.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
what do people win at fancy grammar competitions.
a posh trophy.
Did you hear about the emperor penguin?
He had a freezing reign!
Go to BabaMail
