What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
I beg your garden?
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
"There's no bunny like you."
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
The snuggle is real.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
I feel thankful for having you as my gym buddy and lover.
Our relationship is really working out.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
It is October and there are still leaves on trees. I am very corn-fused!
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
I've already heard seven cancer puns today.
If I hear tumor it's gonna benign.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
“Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.”
Every piece of you is sweet.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What are the best kind of flowers to get your girlfriend after screwing up?
Whoopsie Daisies
This pool is impressive. Or should I say swim-pressive?
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Son: Father can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? Father: No sun.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
My cat kept jumping onto my desk.
I had to put him down.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
I call the shots.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
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