Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
How did the witch invite the wizard to take an evening ride on her broomstick?
Voodoo like to ride with me?
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?
Draw a hex-a-gone.
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Are you a drum? Because my heart beats for you.
My son asked today “ Dad, are people in Spain cannibals?”
I answered “Why would you think that?”
He said “Well, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there.”
It was hot today and when I went outside I saw there was a line of guys standing outside the hairdressers. I thought to myself, "Such a lovely day to have a barber queue".
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
A monster terrorized a village.
He kept doing it ogre and ogre again...
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
My dads astronaut friend ate pizza in space
He said it was out of this world.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
The paddy don’t start till I walk in.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
Why did the wizard rush to the hospital?
He had a staff infection.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Go to BabaMail
