In Greek Mythology, Chiron was not only half man and half horse, he was also a doctor of medicine
That made him the centaur for disease control.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
What's an inmates favorite food? Cellery.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
That look soots you.
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
Are you a 30 degree angle? Because you're acute-y.
I’m in such a Henri to get to France!
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B?
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Why does it take so long for the EU to figure out how much Italy owes them every year?
Hey, ease up. Rome wasn't billed in a day.
Do you know why no one has ever been sentenced for crimes committed on the moon?
Because it's a gray area.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
The fact that we were asked to leave our beautiful purple color house by the owner is still purplexing for me.
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
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