Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What do ghost cowboys wear?
Boooots.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
Don't worry, bee happy!
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
Brisk brave brigadiers brandished broad bright blades, blunderbusses, and bludgeons — balancing them badly.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
The favorite fruit of all ghost's are Bloooooo-berries!
A young man had just returned home from culinary school and was telling his family about everything he had learned.
"The most interesting thing I learned was about the French Fry", he told them.
"Combing through historical records, we found that it was not first fried in France!"
His family was astounded, and asked where it was fried originally.
"In Grease, of course."
What do you call a cat from Italy?
Spacatti.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
To get to the other tide.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Other people had drugs in school, but I brought Greek cheeses.
That way I could have math and feta cheese.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why did the hotdogger quit skiing at MaryJane?
Because it was the wurst stunt skier at Winter Park Resort.
What is the first thing that gorillas learn at kindergarten?
Apey Cee's?
In on the ground flora.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
I'm always really disappointed when I pull up to a yard sale...
And they aren't willing to sell me any of their yards.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
What do you call it when dress up like a cowboy?
Ranch dressing
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
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