You’re sleigh-in’ it.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminium pan.
My wife says she wants to order a glass of wine during our Valentine’s Day dinner.
She says she loves being carded.
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
After a good summer fling, it’s time to fall in love.
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
Is that the Dog star? You can’t be Sirius!
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
"What did Frankenstein's monster say to his girlfriend?"
"Will you be my Valenstein?"
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Paddy like a rockstar.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
Dear Winter — I'm breaking up with you. Summer is hotter than you.
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
Why did the volleyball player join the marines? To serve our country.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
I love all my computer brands and sometimes give ’em smooches.
But I never kiss Intel.
Why did they arrest the volleyball player? They suspected foul play.
I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone for so long but then it finally dawned on me.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
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