What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
Why did the werewolf laugh while chewing on the skeleton?
He got to the funny bone.
How many Chinese folks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't change lightbulbs, then just dim sum.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
"Check, mate."
"Checkmate."
"Hey! Can I get the check, mate?!?"
What do you call the Greek God of Mexican chickens?
Apollo
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
I saw this beautiful tower in Italy..
It was a Pisa art!
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
What do chickens call school tests?
Eggs-aminations.
I had an art contest with my friend.
It ended in a draw.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
What is the most popular flower in France?
Croissanthemums.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
Fall is coll-arding; it’s time to leave.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
What do you call a kung-fu match between a married couple?
Marital Arts!
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
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