Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Did you know that old bowlers do not die? They simply end up in gutters.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
The lager you wait, the better it tastes.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
My dad thought Cuba would be boring. He's now Havana a really great time.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but first I must ask her father's permission...
I have to question the pop before I pop the question.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
I only need a prescription for like half of my kitchen cabinets.
The rest are over the counter
What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
We’ve got serious chemistry.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
You are just like my car because you drive me crazy.
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
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