What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Why don't pets make good astronauts?
They're afraid of the spay station
Whale, hello there.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
Bobby Bippy bought a bat.
Bobby Bippy bought a ball.
With his bat Bob banged the ball
Banged it bump against the wall
But so boldly Bobby banged it
That he burst his rubber ball
"Boo!" cried Bobby
Bad luck ball
Bad luck Bobby, bad luck ball
Now to drown his many troubles
Bobby Bippy's blowing bubbles.
Let’s shell-ebrate good times and tan lines.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
I am lucky to live in an airport, but whenever the guard comes out at night, Heathrows me out.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Its ok to kiss a nun....
But don't get into the habit.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
I didn't want to believe my husband was robbing golf courses...
But I couldn't ignore the red flags!
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What did the pig say on a hot summer’s day?
I’m bacon!
The judge sentenced the basketball player to life imprisonment because he shot the ball.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
You're my purr-son.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.
There was no coffin at the funeral.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved escape velocity.
The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
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