A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
Basketball players are not that patient to follow-through an elaborate court-ship procedure.
Don’t worry, beer happy.
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
I’ve always followed in my father’s footsteps until today.
He turned around and said, “STOP!”
Why was the criminal dubbed the Beer Runner let go after being arrested for stealing 23 beers?
'Cause the prosecutors didn't have a case.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
How do rabbits travel?
On hareplanes!
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Don’t moss around.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
What do planets like to read?
Comet books.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
I feel like I have seen that ghost before...I must have deja boo.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
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