Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
This autumn, the garden told the mower to leaf him alone in peace.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
My Gourd, Autumn is so fall of herself!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
My son asked me how often planes crash
Usually just once
How did the hamburger introduce his wife?
"Meet Patty."
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don't eat with your mouth full!
I thought my ballet-themed body art was unique
But then I saw someone who had a tutu tattoo, too.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
My wife sent me an article about "sandpaper spouses..."
I told her she must be 2000 grit, 'cause she's FINE!
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
A Pun, a Play on Words, and a Limerick walk into a bar....
No Joke.
Go to BabaMail
