A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
Son: "Dad, why'd you name me Odysseus? He's from greek mythology."
Dad: "Well son, you broke through the trojan wall."
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
This weekend is going to be LITerary.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the beach?
Joggernaut.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Anette.
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are both will end up in the gutter.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
During the divorce, the judge couldn't decide who got the shack in the backyard, despite our numerous arguments.
It was a case of he shed, she shed.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
Did you hear about the emperor penguin?
He had a freezing reign!
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
What does a house wear?
Address.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
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