What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?
Juan on Juan!
Happy St. Cat-rick’s day!
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
I told my friend that our old school friend is coming to attend St Patrick's feast. She was surprised. She asked, "O'Reilly?"
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
What does a house wear?
Address.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
Don't get caught between a chalk and a hard place.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
My counselor gave me a hug today
I guess I got shrinkwrapped
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
Irish puns are the most O'ffensive.
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Go to BabaMail
