What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
What does Father Christmas do for his summer holidays? Santa Cruz.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What do you say when you want to break the ice with someone?
Ice to meet you!
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
Fertilizer.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
I love you and I ain’t lion.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Roses are red, violets are blue, I ain't no poet, but neither are you.
One should never mix oranges in apple juice. Well, perhaps you may do it once in a blue moon.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
I’m browsing the winter-net.
What's a Koalas favorite drink? Coca Koala!
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
Two pebbles washed up on the beach. One says to the other, "Are you married?"
Other replies, "No, I'm shingle."
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
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