Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
The sun replies: I hurt everyone when they come close to me.
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What happened to the skier who was injured the the top of the peak?
It's been all downhill from there.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
What do you get when someone stares coldly at you?
Glare ice.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
Two snowmen were standing in a yard. One asked the other, "Do you smell carrot?" The other snowman replied, "No, but I can taste coal."
How does a Man cut his hair on the moon? Eclipse it.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
A sunburned murder of crows is referred to as 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
How do you greet a five-headed ghoul?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
What time do werewolf Cowboys have a shootout?
High Moon!
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