What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a Martian?
An eggs-traterrestrial.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
I want to create a convention for Irish folks who suffer with leprosy.
I'll call it Leper-Con.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
Hit the hammer that judges have and says “worm court is in session”. Then says
“All writhe”
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
I didn't want to believe my husband was robbing golf courses...
But I couldn't ignore the red flags!
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
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