Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
How does herpes get out of the hospital ?
On crotches.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
Why are Catholics the best runners during the Easter season?
They fast during Lent!
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
Real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels.
In every corny joke,
There is a kernel of truth.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
Clean clams crammed in clean cans.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
Recently, i started learning Spanish
But i can't hola long conversation.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
Why did the artist cross the street? To crosshatch to the other side.
Are Earth and Moon good friends? Yes, they’ve been going around together for many years now.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
You mermake me happy.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
In the history of bowling, there is one bowler who floats like a butterfly and stings pretty much like a bee. His name is Muhammad Alley.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
How can Irish people tell when it’s summer?
The rain gets warmer.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
How come there are no automatic cars in Spain?
They’re all Manuel.
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
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