Why did the ghoul become green?
It was sick of eating brains!
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What do you get when someone stares coldly at you?
Glare ice.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind, it's tearrible.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
I'm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
It's row v. wade.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
I went to my girlfriend's soccer match for the first time last weekend. She kept grabbing the ball with her hands.
She's a keeper.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Happy St. Cat-rick’s day!
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What's a camel's favorite part of a meal?
Desert!
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
Q: Why is it so windy in England?
A: Because Harry Kane (hurricane) lives there..
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
“Oh, deer! Christmas is here!”
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What can I say? I enjoy going to court.
So sue me.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
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