Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas
The police verdict? Hummuscide.
What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
My son painted six Easter eggs the colors of the infinity gems.
I told him he made an Egg-finity omelette.
Don’t go bacon my heart.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
You are in my heart, my mind, and in my entire body.
In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite!
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
How do you get a teddy bear across the border?
You snuggle it across.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?
So you can log in.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
What do you call a famous inmate? A cellebrity.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
You are like my dentures.
I cannot smile without you.
What did the bowl of soup write on their Valentine?
I love you pho real.
Go to BabaMail
