What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
I hate getting tide down in one place. So let's take an ad-van-ture.
Why did the blonde volleyball player end up getting fired from her waitressing job? Someone said she needed to serve the food.
How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
How were these puns about puns?
They were pun-questionably pun-fortunate!
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
What did the mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra.
She has high elf-esteem.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
“Deck the Halls with Bows on Collies.”
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
No one can accuse this trip of being plane.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
What do you call someone who lost her Marital arts tournament?
Divorced.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
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