How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
What type of car does a cowboy drive?
Audi partner.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?
OsMoses.
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
I know an untidy guy who’s excellent at playing soccer.
What a Messi guy.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
You’re wine in a million.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What’s ET short for?
So he can fit in the spaceship!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
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