Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
I rushed to my local hospital only to find that it had been converted into a library
Talk about having to suffer in silence
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
Saw what I thought was a large dog coloring Easter eggs.
Turned out to be a dyer wolf.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
What's the ghoul's favorite sauce?
Grave-y.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
European!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Long ago, a couple of dudes claimed that human flight was possible.
They were Wright.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
Wear green, or leaf.
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
It was pretty foggy outside today.
I shot an arrow in the air, and it stuck.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
I was gonna walk barefoot through the yard.
But that would cause an ecological crisis.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
It was mitten in the stars.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
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