Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Why do ants work so hard?
They are all serv-ants.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
"Aloe you vera much."
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
"Some bunny needs vodka."
Sorry, I'm octopied.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Went to ask my girlfriend's father for his daughter's hand in marriage.
He replied: "Give me one good reason you'd make a good husband or even a decent father or I'm leaving!"
I thought long and hard, and eventually said: "Hi leaving I'm John!"
The wedding is next month.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
When in France, I have Nantes-thing to complain about.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
What is the call of a Spanish speaking owl?
Quién...Quién.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
One trick peony.
My late father once said
Sorry I’m late.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
I’m no geometric genius, but all love triangles soon turn into wreck-tangles.
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