Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
Why can't inmates read a clock? Because it's hard time.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
Happy bEarthday!
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Thank you student loans for getting me through college.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
French people give me the crepes.
“I hate being half bike, half motorcycle,” he moped.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
After a tiring day at work, my wife drew me a relaxing bath. It wasn't very smart of me to ask if it was going to be in color or a sketch.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
I know she means well.
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
"Sip, sip hooray."
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Your sweater must be made out of wife material.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
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