How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"
"Ay poppy."
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
What party game do rabbits like to play?
Musical Hares!
What do you call an emergency in the spring?
May day.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
What do you call a free treadmill?
The Great Outdoors.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
Let’s get elf-ed up.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
Denise sees the fleece,
Denise sees the fleas.
At least Denise could sneeze
and feed and freeze the fleas
I feel thankful for having you as my gym buddy and lover.
Our relationship is really working out.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
Irish I had another Guinness to drink.
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