The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
Let’s get elf-ed up.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
What did the lighter color shade tell to its dark lover?
I want hue
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
If you notice this notice,
you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
"I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny."
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
I'm always really disappointed when I pull up to a yard sale...
And they aren't willing to sell me any of their yards.
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
Lots of eggs-ercise!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
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