Recently, i started learning Spanish
But i can't hola long conversation.
"Rosé all day."
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Just look, it’s the Trifle Tower
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Why did the troll go running?
To keep up with you!
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
Anything is popsicle during summer!
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
How rare is an excellent father?
Legen-daddy
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Don't fork-get your manners.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
I poisoned my wifes pita dip.
The police charged me with hummus-cide.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
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