What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Six slimy snails sailed silently.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
"Eggs love you."
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Why did the skeleton have a broken heart?
His Boney lay over the ocean.
My HOA agreement has a statement mandating we have an inflatable Santa displayed in our yard during December.
There is a Santa clause.
Which candy do astronauts like? Marsbar.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
My girlfriend really changed after she became vegan
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She's still not talking to me.
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
A kid is pouring himself some milk. His dad walks into the room and asked, "what kind of milk is that?" Kid says, "Soy milk". Dad replies with,
"Hola milk, soy dad."
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
How do cats say goodbye in Italy?
Miao.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
Saw what I thought was a large dog coloring Easter eggs.
Turned out to be a dyer wolf.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What do you call a kung-fu match between a married couple?
Marital Arts!
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a mammoth’s tusk?
A sabre-toothed tiger.
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
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