Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
You cannot strike it, if you don’t try it.
What is Santa's favorite breakfast food? Snow-flakes.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What does the sun drink out of?
Sunglasses!
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
Ruthless.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
Blue and orange are always polite and amicable with each other because they are complementary colors.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
“I hate being half bike, half motorcycle,” he moped.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
How did the blind guy from Denver enjoy a bit of apres skiing on Lookout Mountain during the last white-out?
He brought along his skiing-eye dog.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
What's the ghoul's favorite sauce?
Grave-y.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What do you call a crimson-colored fish wearing a hat?
A red herring...
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
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