What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I would have gone to space, but the cost is astronomical!
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
You snooze. You booze.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
In one Fall swoop, it's autumn again!
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
But wait—there’s myrrh.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What does a millennial cowboy say?
Yeet Haw!
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
It’s the most wonderful time of the beer.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
Taco ma
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
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