What do you call an elf who runs away from Santa's Workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
Elephant boxing matches are very difficult to watch. It becomes tough to identify as both have grey trunks!
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
Old astronomers got so tired of waiting for the sun to go down, that they decided to pack it up and call it a day.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
I rang the doctor on our way to the hospital, and said, "Quick! my pregnant wife is going into labor, what should I do?"
He said, "Is this her first child?"
I said, "Of course not, this is her husband!"
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
What do you call a dollar bill frozen in ice?
Cold, hard cash!
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
Why are fisherman so stingy?
Their jobs make them sel-fish!
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
What does a hunter do with a basketball?
He shoots it.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
This is snow laughing matter!
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
Billy turned in his art project and his teacher said, “This piece of paper has nothing on it?”
Billy replied “I know, I drew a blank.”
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
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