What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
France – it’s just a oui bit different!
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
Quasimodo would’ve been a great detective
He always had a good hunch.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
This palace is a breath of fresh heir!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
What’s the best time of year to break out the trampoline?
Spring-time!
Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
It’s constantly mooning people.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrushes throat.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse?
Brothel sprouts.
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
Egg ercise.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
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