Seas the day.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
You cannot get a basketball game fairly officiated in the jungle because cheetahs are all over.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
Don’t ever trust a leper-con!
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
The density of this concrete leads me to believe one thing: it is a hard court.
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
What do you call a girl who's very good at human chess and checkers?
Ingrid.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
I was gonna walk barefoot through the yard.
But that would cause an ecological crisis.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
What time do spacemen get up? Alien in the morning.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Have you botany plants lately?
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
Mary Mac's mother's making Mary Mac marry me.
My mother's making me marry Mary Mac.
Will I always be so Merry when Mary's taking care of me?
Will I always be so merry when I marry Mary Mac?
I scored when I met you.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
This autumn, the garden told the mower to leaf him alone in peace.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
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