"Have a hoppy Easter."
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?
Quatro sinko.
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
Why does North Korea excel at drawing straight lines?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and feel glad you are alive?
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
Mountains aren't just funny.
They're hill areas.
What will you call a crazy spaceman? An astronaut.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Blue and orange are always polite and amicable with each other because they are complementary colors.
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
when I’m with you.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
In a conversation between one pin and another, one said, “Let us never split.”
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
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