Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.
Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Why wasn't the jogger all that bummed out when his girlfriend broke up with him?
'Cause they had a good run.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
When the time came, he betrayed our team and showed his blue colors.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Practice safe text: use commas.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Where do sharks go when they want a vacation? Finland
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore…
But he did have a hand in it.
What kind of tea did the American Colonists want?
Liberty.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
My four year old has been learning Spanish all year and still can't say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Why did the skeleton have a broken heart?
His Boney lay over the ocean.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
Go to BabaMail
