How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What does a bee do when it is extremely hot?
It takes off its yellow jacket!
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?
Saturn Uranus.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What do you call a big Irish spider?
A Paddy long legs.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
What do you say when your dad wears a speedo to the pool?
Spee-don’t!
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
What's an inmates favorite food? Cellery.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a person who makes pots?
Harry Potter
I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Skiing is believing!
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
I was named after my dad
Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.
Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.
You must be a bowling ball since you’re right up my alley.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
How does a bee get to school?
She takes a school buzz
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
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