How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
I told the artist that his painting was terrible. I think he got the picture.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
This book of spells was useless. The author forgot to run spell check.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I bet this chair lift weighs enough to break the ice.
When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that he's feeling really very, very hill.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What do you call Santa when he accidentally falls into the fireplace? Krisp Kringle.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob.
What is the perfect day to go to the beach?
Sun-day!
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
The cold weather always comes towards the end of the year weather you like it or not.
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
In one Fall swoop, it's autumn again!
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
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