Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
What do you call an existential lycanthrope?
A whywolf.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
“What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.”
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns.
I think it may be terminal
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
"Don't worry, be hoppy."
Life is brew-tiful!
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
What happens when Greeks come back from war?
They get a gyro’s welcome.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
Writers are cold because they’re surrounded by drafts.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
I knew a guy who gave away his art but he only seemed to paint ducks with incomplete faces.
I asked about it once and he said "I like to bill them later."
I had four cans of alphabet soup.
Just had the largest vowel movement ever.
What did the tired witch do?
She sat down for a spell.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap
He was high on my list of priorities.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
When I tell you how much I love you, I'm not overreacting.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
How can you tell when a coach doesn’t know what they are doing? When the real coach is yelling from in the stands.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
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