What do fish and women have in common? They both stop shaking their tale after you catch them!
I just had a near-se* experience…
My whole wife flashed before my eyes.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
The best place to hide something is at an airport
You'd be hiding something in plane site.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
How did the astronaut die?
exposure to Mercury.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
We’re in a-green-ment.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Does anything come after April A?
May B!
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
What do Ghosts say when they are impressed? - That was spectre-cular!
What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
- You’re dead to me.
I think I found my perfect match
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
My father was a blind carpenter
until he picked up his hammer and saw.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
Up to snow good.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
Go to BabaMail
