What’s the suns favorite clothes brand?
Kelvin Klein.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Where do aliens park their flying saucers?
At a parking meteor.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
Why did Italy surrender in WW2?
Because Italics aren't bold.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
Synonym rolls: just like grammar used to make.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
“If you’re lucky this Christmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.”
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
Rudder valve reversals
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
Tie twine to three tree twigs.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
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