What does a Greek machine need to work?
Greece.
"Sip happens."
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
You must be glue because I am sticking with you.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
A toast to you:
You always know how to make everything butter.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
This book of spells was useless. The author forgot to run spell check.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What kind of soup can you make with cool beans?
Chilly!
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one
1.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
I stumbled upon people arguing about trains in my town.
I told them, what’s the lo-commotion?
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
Ruthless.
A cross-eyed teacher can't control his pupils.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
Go to BabaMail
