What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What party game do rabbits like to play?
Musical Hares!
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
"Every bunny was kung fu fighting."
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...
It really upped the aunty!
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
The ocean made me salty.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
"Happy Easter to all my peeps."
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What do you call it when you get mugged on the vernal equinox?
The first robbin’ of spring!
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What did the arirst say to his friend who was stressed? Don't worry, paintbrush it off.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
What will you call two quizzers having a date in spain comic con?
Spanish con-quiz-daters.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
Ann and Andy's anniversary is in April.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
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