I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.